Essay, Journal, life, Uncategorized

“Same Road, Rough Boy.” (SRRB)

“The story of one person is the story of all humanity.”

That is what Paulo Coelho says in his book The Devil and Miss Prym, and I couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

We can’t deny the fact that we all reach a point in our lives where, despite all of the positivity and willpower we hold, we attenuate ourselves into just three words: lost and confused.

And I’m afraid to say that for me, now is that point in my life.

What makes the thought even worse is when we begin to self-inflict ourselves with questions such as ‘Should I go here or there?’, or ‘What should I do now?’, or better yet, ‘Is this the right path for me?’ .

You wake up the next day with a lot of questions, and boil down to the same questions right before sleeping.

Post-Graduation Syndrome. Luckily, such word exists on the net.

Well, graduation day is certainly to blame for this.

Just a month ago, I finally got my college degree in Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering. What makes my life even more interesting and complicated at the same time (and I’ll tell you why in a bit) is how in the world I graduated with latin honors. I somehow feel uncomfortable talking about it though.

Perhaps, because looking back at those 5 longs academic years, I ought to do more than what I had done to deserve such thing.

Perhaps, it is, in my opinion, because of the tendency of people to project the awardee as someone who is ‘a natural genius’ or ‘born smart’, which I think isn’t supposed to be. I truly believe anyone could be an honor student because it is more of ‘work hard & work smart’ than being ‘a natural genius’.

Or perhaps, it is simply because I don’t believe I was born for engineering.

…Which leads me to my next point.

Poetry. Music. The Arts! That’s what I believe I was born for.

Engineering…hmmm? I am not quite sure.

And that’s what makes all of these into one big confusing thing. How in the world did I ever achieve something great when I didn’t put so much heart and passion as I should’ve?

Speaking of art, I’ve always wanted to make an impact especially in music. I had said this years ago and I’ll say it again: Music is my ultimate passion. I want to write music. I want to play music. I want to meet people through music. I have always dreamed of being in a cruise, playing music around the world.

And ever since, I always felt like the fulcrum of a seesaw, trying to raise and lower both aspects of my life. I tried so hard balancing the heck out of these two, that it had become such a burden. It was a like a clash between David and Goliath, only that it wasn’t a lopsided match. It was anyone’s game. It was science versus art, and I was the battlefield.

As I had done so much hard work just to graduate and finish my college degree, a stream of opportunities for music went along the way, unexpectedly. And I didn’t even try so hard looking out for these! These opportunities were only small cafe and bar gigs, yet I am feeling the big positive change it has brought upon me, especially in terms of confidence and social growth.

Unfortunately, in the end (which is apparently now), I could only agree to what the Bible has to say: No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.

One summer day, I locked myself in my room in deep introspection and soliloquy (I do this quite often) and recalled two of the recent milestones I achieved: graduated Bachelors of Science in Civil Engineering as Cum Laude ; and being able to play gigs in the city, getting paid for loving to do it, and being a part of a musical community.

*To add a dramatic storyline that is Paulo Coelho inspired* — Somehow, it felt like the universe was talking to me in a certain way, but I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t quite grasp what it was, and I felt the words coming out of my mouth.

If you hadn’t, even for a single moment, loved engineering, then why did you even try?

Duh, because I was sure I’d be able to graduate somehow since I am quite good with math and analysis; Duh, so I could make my family proud of me; Duh, so I could have a stable job;  Duh, so I could get rich and travel the world. Duh, so I could do something noble for the world.

I could only portray in my own limited imagination how the universe looks exactly at that very moment. Praise the Lord for funny memes and meme generators, it looks almost like Spongebob below:

spongebob

I guess I deserve this mockery.

Translating these words of mockery in my own understanding, it seems like the universe was trying to tell me that it was my natural drive to do something noble that had led me to pursue engineering.

As for the latin honors, I would want to believe that it was the universe’s way of saying “go on and do not stop”.

 Why though? Can I not do something as noble with music?

Can’t I?

Well, the universe can’t keep on answering questions from the same guy, apparently.

And though the universe had given me an answer(?) of some sort, still, it is a hard thought to swallow. I mean, I know what noble means, but in a wider and deeper sense, what does noble really mean? More so, what does noble mean with respect to my earthly existence?

The story of one person is the story of all humanity. Right now, there’s nothing I could do to make myself feel better but feed upon the superficial consolation I get from knowing that millions of people are experiencing the same dark hole as I am.

But I guess this life is a game of choices. A game of chance. A game wherein everyone is too late to realize whether it was the right choice or not.

But for the universe, Maktub. (Paulo Coelho reference again *wink*)

I’m planning to pass the Civil Engineering board examination this coming November, probably gain a few years of work experience, then pursue a master’s degree abroad. Afterwhich, I’m not yet sure what to do next.

As to where and when the whole ‘noble’ thing comes in, I certainly do not know. It might come naturally or unexpectedly along the way. Better yet, it might reveal itself as another Mocking Spongebob meme, or even better.

So, what happens to my music life now?

I never want to tell myself that I’m giving up music, although in reality, I have to at some degree in order to focus on engineering. On the bright side, I’d like to revel on the fact that it was never I that searched for music. It was music that searched for me. There’s nothing that I could do more but be hopeful that it stays that way.

And whether I can do something noble with music, perhaps yes, and most probably even without knowing it. I want to believe that noble acts come naturally by doing things with passion and love.

Then, I guess I have to give the same passion and love for engineering.

And because it gives me little joy, I decided to name this WordPress entry as such.

“Same Road, Rough Boy.” (SRRB)

Who knows, it might just be the perfect title for my very first Extended Play (EP) or Album.

P.S. If you are a civil engineer or a civil engineering student, you might have immediately realized what I did there from the start, lel. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Uncategorized

To Summer Class or Not To Summer Class

Finally! I can rest my ass off for a while from all of that integration, and frames, and electrostatics, and vectors, and other school-related nerd stuff.

Boy, engineering is sooo damn hard. But I’m pretty sure I had nailed the examinations the professors gave me. I’ll be in my third year the following academic year. So, yay for me!

Well apparently, the title says it all. I’m having second thoughts about taking up summer classes. I’m still in the process of weighing the pros and cons of taking some of my minor courses this summer.

 

So If I’m gonna take up summer classes… 

1.) Allowance

Man, I mean, who doesn’t love free money on summer? It’s like getting paid by your parents to study.

STUDY. If the word study were a historical person, it would be Hitler. Freakin’ violent Nazi terrorist.

Okay let me correct that — It’s like getting paid by your parents to go to school. No hardcore studying, but by all means, just passing the subject. I mean, studying on summer is freakin’ insane. If I don’t want to do it, then who does? What creature would ever want to stick their eyeballs at a cluster of complicated, mysterious, alien, Martian equations on summer?

I’m here for the money big boy!

2.) Lesser Courses To Take During The Following Regular Semester

…because by then, I would’ve have gotten rid of some shitty minor courses that I’m required to take up and that probably won’t have any use to me in the future. Luckily, I hadn’t failed any final examination the previous semester, and my midterm grades were higher than expected. So, no retakes for me this summer! Although I’m still not sure what those shitty minor courses I’m going to take up would be — psychology maybe, or philosophy, etc.?

…And I hope (and I really wish), this would lead to…

3.) An Unruffled and More Organized Class Schedule for The Following Sem

For the past years, I had been enrolled in a block section, and the only time I loved being in a block section was in my first year during the first semester. The following years of being under a block section schedule were solid bullshit — going to school as early as 7 in the morning and back home as late as 7 in the evening, and not to mention, how far and how much time I’m going to waste, traveling back and forth from home to school everyday.

Now that I would be taking some minor subjects in advance, I would be disqualified from enrolling in a block section.

Number three is still pretty vague though, because there’s never an assurance of a hassle-free schedule. But at least, on the brighter side, I would be able to select and sort-out my own class-schedule. Hopefully, this would allow me to have more hours of sleep, more time to concentrate on school works, and enough time to relax and unwind.

 

But If I’m not gonna take up summer classes…

..there’s tons of things that I would love to do to relax myself and unwind. Watch movies. Get more than enough sleep. Get a dip in the waters of some high end resort. Hang out with the boys and with my circle of friends. Stalk my celebrity crush (I consider this relaxing).

Basically, have ‘fun’.

But I would want to focus more on these three things that wouldn’t only suffice the general notion of fun, but at the same time, would also refine my skills and talents.

1.) Music

More time to practice singing. More time to improve my guitar skills. More time for band practice. More chances of having gigs. More chances of making song covers and writing originals. MORE TIME FOR HEALING THE SOUL. Enough said.

2.) Reading Books

If you’re thinking “Books” meant those overflowing with equations and engineering stuff, then you’re a freakin’ nerd.

Of course I am not reading those on a summer vacation!

Divergent Trilogy. The Time Keeper and the rest of Mitch Albom’s. The Mortal Instruments Series. There are just so many awesome books that I have been longing to read. Summer is definitely the best time for me to finally read these books. Aside from getting creative with my imagination as I read through the lines, this is the best time for me to expand my vocabulary, which, as an aspiring writer, would definitely help me in what I do in the near future.

3.) Writing

Like what I’m literally doing now.

There was little to no time at all for me to really write during the regular semester. And if you’ve seen my previous post, it’s dated February 16, 2014, which obviously means I haven’t written for almost two months until now.

Aside from the reason that I can express myself by writing, I also want to apply those new words I’ve learned from doing Number 2.

In all truthfulness, I’m not super mega ultra serious about writing. Just updating my blog is enough for me I guess. And writing lyrics too of course.

 

Just now, it hit me that the cons of taking summer classes is not being able to do those under the “But If I’m not gonna take up summer classes…” list.

Conversely, the cons of not taking summer classes is not being able to accomplish those listed under “So If I’m gonna take up summer classes…” list.

This sucks.

Why is time so short like Hitler’s temper?

I have approximately two weeks left to decide whether to take summer classes or not.

 

 

 

 

 

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